Tuesday, November 29, 2011

'Tis the Season

It's the season for giving and receiving and I think I've finally gotten the hang of how to be at ease with both. It wasn't always so. For example, my mother used to love giving me fresh white Carters underpants as a holiday gift. Instead of being grateful for these lovely soft white panties, I was ungrateful and wished I was given something I really wanted.

I was not a good gift recipient. I wished and wished to receive things I wanted rather than things others wanted me to have. Looking back now, I think how lovely it was to have a mother who would annually refresh my supply of undies so I wasn't stuck with greying or yellowing, holey and stained ones.

My friend Karen gave me a good talking to, when I was into my fifth decade. So many birthdays and Christmases gone by, and finally I was ready to learn. She explained that gifts are not about wish fulfillment, nor about need. They are EXTRAS. It is the recipient's job to see the beauty in each choice, to accept it graciously and lovingly and honor the donor for remembering us.

When my daughter got married, she did not have a registry like so many people do these days. In her opinion, having people choose for her was more of an honor, more exciting and more thoughtful than just fulfilling someone's wish list. Carefully she integrated each gift into her household and life. I was impressed and wished to be like her. I needed to grow and change in this area.

My dear departed Maggie was another fabulous gift recipient. What a pleasure it was to give to her! Everything she received left her breathless. She responded as the most innocent child to each gift, as if it were amazing and the most delightful thing she could imagine.

I think that if she had received those undies from my mom, she would have taken them to her cheek and rubbed them softly with her eyes closing, declaring them utterly soft and pristine. She would have made my mother feel as if she knew JUST what she needed.

Slowly I have adapted. I can't say that I have turned around completely. Often people choose what they themselves would like, rather than what the recipient would like. If I had read the cards right, I would have given Mom white undies too!

Giving gifts has become easier for me too. I don't strive to find the absolute perfect gift for everyone nor try to determine what they want and shop endlessly for it. Instead I do my best and take real pleasure thinking of the THEM that I know and choosing accordingly.

My friend, Margaret, likes to recollect early Christmases with her hard-working, single parent mom. The last week for Christmas they would take a paltry sum of money out on the town and choose small thoughtful gifts for everyone on their list. Margaret recalls how little money was spent and how much pleasure gained, year after year.

It isn't that wish lists are wrong or bad, that registries are either. I actually appreciate them at times. I like to be able to choose when to use them and when not to, which of course I can! and I keep a wish list myself for those who like using them. It's just that my expectations are different now.

I'd like to say, Do yourself a favor and don't sweat it this season. Have fun. Enjoy underspending and cavorting through fun merchandise for gifts. You could probably do a fair job by just gong to the hardware store!

Or follow the advice of Karen's childhood neighbors, the Harpers - Everyone gets one thing they need, one thing they want and one surprise. What a great rule for parents to follow. Keep the expectations low and the kids will ultimately be happier. They'll still get gifts from relatives which are extras.

When you open your own gifts, try to behave as a child who is underprivileged and is thrilled with anything at all. That's my hard won advice.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Small Town Cheer-Up

I've been in a bit of a funk for a couple of days, but we needn't go into that here. Instead, let me tell you how I got cheered up by going out into our teeny tiny town center.

First I went to the library to return a book. Not that I needed anything more to read, but just in case there was something irresistible, I spun the tower of New Purchases. I found two quirky titles that I thought would amuse an internet friend, so I took their photos.

The previous night, I had read her blog, MothersOfBrothers, about how annoyed she is with the overuse of the word "annoying." Here was the perfect book for her!

Who doesn't love our lovable library? With it's huge orientals, antique table and chairs, lovely view of the lake, and entertaining librarian, one always feels at home here. In the basement, the end of a week long used book sale was culminating in the famous Dollar a Bag sale. Yes, I managed to fill a bag with what seem to be treasures and here I am reading them this evening. Mostly children's books, prized for their illustrations, I am drooling, sorting them out for each granchild, saving some, selling some. Thank you master used book sale guru, Jane! She had saved many jewels just for me.
Next stop: Gen'l Store. I needed traditional chocolate chips. Though there were none of the exact type I wanted, the ever-pleasing owner, Julie, said she'd share some from her own personal kitchen stash. She got her giant bag and siphoned off two cups worth for me. Gee! How fabulous was that?

Did you know our Gen'l Store sells hunting sweaters for DOGS? YES! Julie and Ian the owners aim to please!

Last of all, as I prepared to drive out into traffic, waiting for an opportune moment, a Mini passed and waved to me; I waved back. It was my FIRST EVER MINI WAVE!

Homeward bound, I felt immensely better and recovered from my funk.