Humble me. again.

Every summer turtles cross our road where stream meets lake, after laying their eggs up on the sand. I'm happy to report I haven't seen a smashed one yet in the years that I've lived here. Last year when I encountered one on Cape Cod, a passerby warned me that helping it cross the road or touching it was against environmental laws. After all, we can't assume to know where they're going. I was curious as to whether this one was a snapper or box turtle. She allowed me close inspection and a photo without flash. Then we both went on our ways. I felt a kinship with her.

I'm pretty slow these days, slow in thought, word and deed. I'd like to think I'm more careful before speaking or doing, but I'm afraid that probably isn't so. I'm just slower witted, making different mistakes, not fewer.

This week I was in a minor collision in a parking lot. I thought I had hit a vehicle as I backed out of my spot, and once aware of that, hopped out of my car to see the damage and apologize. The owner of the other vehicle was quick to place blame and I was quick to assume it. I worried that it would have been horrible had it been a pedestrian instead of a car.

Two witnesses stepped forward to say they had seen the whole thing, that we had BOTH backed out while looking over our shoulders and missed seeing the other one. Bad timing and bad technique. But both witnesses were adamant that it was No Fault. One witness stayed to report to the police who came to the scene. He wanted to give his account and name.

Still, it is alarming to me how slow I was to take in the information that the witnesses provided. I was too emotionally distraught to allow my mind to function properly. Not till I was home replaying the whole event, did I realize the witnesses were seeing what I couldn't see, eager to report on my behalf. I'm left feeling not only naive but unsure if I would handle it any differently in the future. How much of my mind do I control?

Humble me.

My friend Nan introduced me to the idea of "pilpul." I'm not sure how that's spelled, but my understanding of this yiddish term is that it is a a form of much ado about nothing, a mountain out of a mole hill, or as Nan put it, When something that could have been a great paragraph becomes a essay, or a an article becomes a book.

I don't want this observation of mine to become pilpul, but I must say that I notice its truth every day. WHENEVER I AM CRITICAL OF SOMEONE, I NOTICE THE SAME CHARACTERISTIC IN MYSELF WITHIN 24 HOURS.

When T empties a beverage bottle, he always puts the lid/cap back on, as in this Schweppes bottle. I always wonder why he does this instead of just throwing out the cover. After all, the bottle will be rinsed by me before being tossed in the recylce bin. Every time I unscrew the lid of an empty bottle, I wonder.

But this morning while I was rinsing out the peanut butter jar and cover for recycling, I noted that I both washed it out AND rinsed it. Now, really, WHY am I rinsing off the soapsuds? It's totally unnecessary. With dishes, obviously we do it because we don't want to ingest soap, but for recycle?? I don't think so.

Hmmm. Isn't this just habit, unnecessary labor, the same as putting a lid back on an empty beverage bottle? I DO think so.

Humble me, Please.

My Newly Found Offspring

I had a epiphany recently, that is making my life sweeter, and those around me too. I'm treating others as if they are my offspring. As a mother, there is no bigger love than that for my children who are now grown. Especially when I was responsible for their care entirely, I felt everything they did, their pain and joy. I was hurt when they were injured and elated when they were happy.

As a teacher, when I had difficult students, I tried to think of them as my own children and asked myself, How would her/his mother want her/him treated? The answer was with kindness and respect. And yet, relationships with adults seem more complicated. I have found it much more difficult to accept and honor every adult in my path, especially those who pushed my buttons and irritated me. Often the people we see the most are just such people. (smile, blush)

This week I had the realization that if I really applied myself and committed myself, I could transfer my feelings for children, my own and others, to adults. With this new perspective I find that I have less resentment and more compassion toward those who challenge me. Those challenging ones are the gifts, right? How else can we grow? Not through comfort, not through insulating ourselves with those who agree with us, not through avoiding conflict and pain.